Even before my feet touched the floor this morning, my mind became bogged down with the things I thought I “had” to do today. My Sunday sleep-in was spoiled as soon as I woke with feelings of dreaded duty.

The seconds, minutes and hours slipped by as I procrastinated doing what I felt I ought to do. I was grumpy, resistant and filled with criticism. Most of my thoughts were negative. Tired and feeling hurried and busy from the last hectic week, my thoughts were still busily zooming around and colliding with one another. My week had been busy. My thoughts were busy. There was a distinct lack of spaciousness in my life.

Eventually, I dangled a carrot in front of my own nose and went to my favorite coffee shop to read, have a coffee and relax for a couple of hours before doing the things I was so distinctly not looking forward to doing.

After chatting on the phone with a few people who reminded me I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t feel like doing, and really starting to appreciate the atmosphere of my favourite hangout, my whole body began to relax. My thoughts, previously inflexible, rapid and focused on a single, distasteful outcome, were now expansive, positive and spacious.

I sipped my coffee, ate my Huavos Rancheros, played with my phone and then stretched out on the couch to read my book. “The Places That Scare You” is written by the famous Western Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron. In the twelve years that I have been studying meditation and spiritual philosophy, this is the book that speaks most clearly to me. Instead of resorting to positive affirmations, striving for higher and loftier goals and endeavouring to always be upbeat and happy, it encourages readers to sit with their pain, their discomfort and their suffering without judgement.

Once we stop running from our pain and can be still with it and view it with compassion, we can begin to show more compassion, love and non-judgement towards ourselves. There is nowhere to be, nothing to do, no outcome to be achieved – only acceptance of our own moment-by-moment existence, with all of its pain and suffering and joys – and a warrior’s ability to be present with all of those things.

With my body stretched out and feet pointing towards the road, I was in prime position to watch the cars go by, the birds flying in the distance, the clouds moving slowly, and the way the light shifted as the sun began its gradual descent behind the townhouses and office blocks lining Wynnum Road. Someone had hung a dream-catcher on the front awning, and it spun and moved and reacted to the flow of traffic moving past it.

And suddenly, I fell into myself, felt peaceful and happy, and wondered why I was placing so much pressure on myself earlier in the day. I realised that it was only now that I had the opportunity to visit the place between thoughts; that hallowed place where, once noticed, a person can dwell in peace and equanimity and budding awareness of their own self. Relaxation, enjoyment and fun creates space in our lives, and in our minds.

In what could be considered the negation of my responsibilities, I spent nearly five hours at the coffee shop, the last hour spent playing cards with a friend and drinking beer. Then we left, went to another coffee shop, had hot drinks and treats, and then played in the local park.

I came home and didn’t have any regrets about my day. My anger, resentment and feelings of pressure from the morning had disappeared and were replaced by ease and calm and the beginnings of a more loving and compassionate outlook. I never did the thing I was dreading, and didn’t feel bad about it.

It is only when we show love and compassion and understanding towards ourselves that we can then show it towards others. We can’t fill our neighbour’s cup from ours if there is nothing inside of it. So first, be good to yourself. Then, be good within yourself. And then lastly, be good to others.